I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
