Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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