trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Michael Bay diarrhea
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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