wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize