last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
