I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
