My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
