Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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