help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
