The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
