If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize