So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
