Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
40s are totally the cure
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
