I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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