So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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