I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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