'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize