i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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