umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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