hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
