Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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