i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
