he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My bed smells like the plague
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
