we have officially lost it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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