He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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