he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
