Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
