Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
