I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
