This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
