Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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