Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he puts the penis in happiness.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
