also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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