First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize