So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
