There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I AM VODKA MAN
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
