I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm passing your future prison.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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