you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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