I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize