Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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