The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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