Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
