just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
