Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
