i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
