I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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