At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
