Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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