I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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