Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
