I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
