yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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