Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
