I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
