whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
