I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
