I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
