I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize