you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
