marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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