I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
