we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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