You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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