Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
