Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
