I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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