We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
