It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
