dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
