Cold hands, warm shart.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That was an excessively violent trivia night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
