im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like, not good at living.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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