Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
