i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
