If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
they're like a gay fantastic four
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
