he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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