I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
