Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
