i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
