youre lurking in front of me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize