let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize