he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
