So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
