Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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