Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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