If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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