oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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