I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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