the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
