when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
