im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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