i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just threw up on my dentist
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
