My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
