do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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