I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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