He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
