Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
