one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
