This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
