I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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