Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
