but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
