Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
