Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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